


The old and new you, which I loved.

by Rayyinday



Category: Goodnight punpun, おやすみプンプン | Oyasumi Punpun
Genre: And neither does shimizu x seki, Angst, Everyone lives, F/F, Fluff, Including aiko, M/M, Post-Canon, Sachi x aiko doesn't have enough content, Slow Burn, So I'm gonna save this community
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 04:38:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17460752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rayyinday/pseuds/Rayyinday
Summary: Seki and Shimizu's relationship has broken apart over the years, and yet, they somewhat stayed friends. Although Seki feels guilty for his actions, and mistakes, he still selfishly wants to be closer with Shimizu, even after all that happened. Finding himself trying to rebuild his relationship with Shimizu from scratch, he realises while Shimizu isn't the same, he still loves him deeply.





	The old and new you, which I loved.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction that I'm uploading, and I hope it will turn out well! The only other fic for these two I found was a short smut fic and I decided I want to help out, and give them something too! This will be continued constantly, so hopefully you guys can handle it.

Seki wasn't sure if he even should be seeing Shimizu at all. He promised not to come to see him too much. He promised to himself. He promised he would be more independent, and wouldn't constantly check on him, but just this one visit couldn't hurt, right?

Ever since Shimizu lost his memories, Seki and Shimizu's relationship became a bit more distant. It was healthier, and yet... Seki still selfishly wanted more again. They where still friends, but Seki couldn't help wanting to see Shimizu a bit more.  
He felt bad for trying to see him. Like he doesn't deserve it. Because he did this; this whole incident was **his** fault. Plus, Shimizu isn't... Shimizu. He's a new Shimizu, someone who doesn't even remember who Seki was to him, only stuff Seki told him they did. Only a minimal amount. Shimizu doesn't care for Seki as much as he cares for him, and it's all because of the mistake he made.

The place smelt like... Well... A hospital. As it should have, since it /was/ a hospital. The awkward sound of coughing came from the waiting room, and the clicking of a keyboard was heard from the desks at the entrance. Seki took a deep breath; why was he so nervous about this?  
"Hey, I'm looking for Shimizu Koh." Seki was infront of the desk, where a middle aged woman sat. She seemed tired.  
"Shimizu Koh is not available at the moment." She replied, with a scratchy voice. "When is he off work then?" Seki asked calmly, pushing his left hand into his pockets. He looked down at counter, putting his right hand on his cap to lower it. It was embarrassing, a bit. Coming here like that almost felt kind of shameful.  
"I am not allowed to give out personal information about employees." She replied. Seki knew this will happen. But he didn't want to argue, or cause a mess. It would be pointless, and he would look like an idiot. "I see. My bad then. That's all." He left the front door instantly. He didn't want to lose Shimizu though; so he decided to wait.  
However long it may take, seki decided that if he was already here, he should wait for him.  
He pulled out a cigarette, leaning against the wall of the building, puffing a cloud of smoke. Was this a no smoking zone? He couldn't tell, and a part of him didn't care. He silently stared into space, waiting for him.

After 5 or so hours, around 7 PM, Seki still found himself outside the hospital, unwilling to give up on seeing Shimizu, despite feeling terribly selfish about being here at all. Finally, the sound of a door opening was heard, and Shimizu came out. He has already taken off his nurse uniform.  
Ever since Shimizu gained amnesia, losing his memories, the slightly childish, pure energy around his smile faded. And yet, Seki still loved this smile.  
"Hey." Seki took his hands out of his pockets, walking up to Shimizu. There was a slight awkward tension between them for a few seconds. "Oh! Seki! What are you doing here?" Shimizu wasn't as enthusiastic to see him anymore. He was happy, but not as happy as he was before all this. He was... A lot more mature. A lot more serious. "I was just walking around." He couldn't say he waited that long for him; that would sound kind of weird. "Say, do you want to get something to eat?" He said, getting straight to the point. Shimizu took a moment, before replying. "Yea. Sure, why not!" Seki was fine with this awkwardness. Just having Shimizu around was enough.

* * *

The music at the bar was quiet, and calm. Enough for Shimizu to hear Seki talking, but not enough for Shimizu to pay attention to the sigh coming from sekis lungs. Sat on brown chairs, infront of the bar counter, ordering nothing more then a bowl of soup for Shimizu, since Seki, despite inviting him, didn't eat. They've been at this bar before, weren't they? And yet, shimizu didn't show a single ounce of familiarity with the place. Not at all.  
"... Hey, Shimizu. Do you... Know this place?" Seki asked. It was a stupid question, but it might be worth it, even if theres a 1% chance he will answer yes.  
"No. I've actually never been here before! I don't go to restaurants or bars as much anymore. It's been a while since I've been to a bar." He still ate the same. Very messily. It was kind of cute, actually. "You know, we used to be in this place a lot." Shimizu didn't respond. He kept listening, drinking his soup quietly, staring at seki with his big eyes. "Haha, it's actually funny that we're here again. You used to eat just like that. And we would sit, and talk, and laugh a lot, and it was a lot of fun. I miss doing all that, you know?" Just like before, Seki always talked, and Shimizu always sat and listened to him ramble while eating. It was always like that. It was nostalgic. It made Seki's heart feel warm. "And you'd always get your face dirty, and clean it on your sleeve. Some habits really don't change, I suppose." Shimizu, who was 1 second away from cleaning his face with his sleeve, stared up at Seki, a bit surprised. He really does do that, doesn't he? "Haha! Sorry. I wish I knew what you where talking about. It sounded like we used to have a lot of fun together." Shimizu felt a bit embarrassed that he still couldnt remember. Seki looked down. A sad smile formed on his face. "Haha... Yea." He couldn't tell him anything other then all the fun they had. He knew it was self centered of him to pretend everything was fine, but he didn't want to ruin it. "Hey, I never told you this, but you should stop cleaning your face with your sleeve. Here." Seki grabbed a napkin, rubbing it against Shimizu's cheek. Shimizu didn't respond; he just let it happen. Seki smiled. Touching Shimizu's face like that, made him feel at ease. Before he realised people are staring, and calmly put the napkin down. His expression was calm, a poker face as usual. But he was a bit embarrassed that people where seeing him doing that. For some weird reason, seki felt embarassed, despite usually not caring one bit what people think. "... Yea... You should stop cleaning it on your sleeve, basically." He said, looking down at the ground. "You know, you're kind of a funny guy seki!" Shimizu laughed. Seki smiled to himself. Even if Shimizu changed, he really stayed the same in the same time. A weird mix of the two. "Say, we should talk more. I know you've been busy, but I feel like we should try getting closer again." Shimizu nodded. "Yea! That sounds nice. I'll see if I have time sometime. Maybe this weekend? You're not working at your dads store this weekend, right?" Ah— within all the emotions he felt in his head, he forgot that he had work that Saturday. It wasn't like him to forget, but maybe he just... Forgot everything while seeing Shimizu. "I am, but I can cancel. I'll tell him." Seki raised his phone, about to text his dad. "Oh, you don't have to! We can meet another day." "It's fine. I wanted to spend this Saturday as a free day anyways." He didn't want Shimizu to feel bad. He wanted to see him more then anything, in all honesty. Seki lit up a cigarette. "So don't worry about me." Shimizu just stared at seki, just as he does always, except... With less admiration as he had before. "Alright then." The sound of chatter in the bar was heard, as Shimizu got up. "Leaving already?" Seki was disappointed. He wanted some more time. "Yea! Don't worry, we're still meeting this Saturday right?" Seki nodded. He knew he shouldn't be THIS disappointed about Shimizu leaving. It's not like hes never going to see him again, is he? Its Wednesday. It's not that far away from Saturday. "Sure. Yea, we are." Seki gave a small smile. He felt hopeful; maybe he can finally rebuild his relationship with shimizu.  
As selfish as he may feel for trying at all.

* * *

 

"Seki, are ya up for a coffee or something?" Seki was tired getting up in the morning, let alone to be awakened by his phone. The voice on the other line was already a familiar voice in his head. "Ah. Sachi." After seki read her manga, and met her in his dads store again, he and him finally admitted that they remember eachother. They decided to become somewhat friends, and exchanged phone numbers. "Well, are you up for a coffee, or?" Seki rubbed his eyes. He was still waking up. "Don't you have a kid to take to school or something?" He replied, rolling over in his bed, with his phone in his hand. "It's 11 pm! She's already in school." "Huh?" Seki usually woke up early, so for him to wake up so late was a surprise. Maybe seeing Shimizu helped him sleep a bit better tonight. "You sound tired. You been sleeping tonight? Or did you stay up?" Sachi was sharp, instantly noticing. "Ah. No, I just... I guess I slept somewhat well." He let out a soft chuckle. "That's good then! Well then, you have no excuse not to. You should have the energy. Hurry up, let's get coffee!" Sachi was always pushy. "Fine, fine. I'll get ready, and we can get some coffee." Sachi hung up, leaving Seki to dress up, and get ready. His hair was messy, and his face was full of drool. He really did sleep well tonight.  
After finally arriving, with SLIGHTLY less messy hair, Seki sat down in a cafe table infront of sachi, wearing an octopus t-shirt, and a pair of shorts. It seems Sachi already ordered the coffee before him. She knee he prefers it black.  
"Anyways," Sachi sipped on her coffee. "I recently got this amazing idea for a manga." She sat down her cup, turning her full attention to seki now. "Is that why you called me here...?" It made sense. Sachi loved sharing ideas with Seki. "I mean, there's more, but ya know! What, you don't wanna hear?" Seki took a sip from his own cup. "It's nothing like that. You can go on." Sachi looked at him for a couple of seconds, almost as if she was studying him. "Is there something on your mind?" She asked. "Huh?" Seki turned his eyes to her, putting down his cup. "You seem like theres something on your mind." As said before, sachi was, and always will be, just this sharp. "What happened? Trouble at the store?" "No." "Got robbed?" "No." "Feeling randomly sad?" "No." "You got a girlfriend?" "Haven't had one in years." Sachi chuckled. "You know, you're an adult. You're 35 soon. Almost at THAT age. You really might want to get a girlfriend. Start a family, or something. Or not; do whatever you want to do basically!" Seki rolled his eyes. "Like you can speak; you don't even have one yourself." "Haha, true. Hey, I said you can do whatever, I'm just suggesting! Plus, I'm happy just having my daughter with me, you know?" A family... Seki didn't even think about that. Ever since his last relationship, he sort of just quit dating people. It wasn't working out. He'd sleep with someone from time to time, but it was all empty, and unfulfilling, so eventually, he stopped. "I'm happy right now with how things are." He said. "I remember some weird sentence I once read from a manga... It went something like... _Love is lame. The only choice for young people is to fearlessly masturbate to death._ " Sachi smiled, chuckling. "Pfft! Well, word to that, I guess, haha! Even though you're not that young." "Neither are you, now, so don't laugh at me. You're older then me, you know." She grumbled. "Well, whatever! Anyways, my point is, it's fine. But you might wanna do something that fulfills you more. A relationship, a dream, something like that, before you reach your golden years. Life goes by fast. It's why I never hold myself back when I want to do something. If you want something, do it. If you really want it, don't hold yourself back, no matter if you're scared. Only cowards do that." And so, they kept talking, for 2 hours, until Sachi had to pick her daughter up.  
On his way out of the restaurant, Sachi's words echoed in his head. _'If you really want it, don't hold yourself back.'_   For some reason, seki felt he might need that advice in the future. He kept it in the back of his head, and started heading home.

* * *

It was Friday when he woke up. This time, he put an alarm, just incase he doesn't wake up early enough again. Seki got out of bed, half dressed, about to take a shower. He started taking his clothes off, when suddenly, his phone rang. "Ngh... Sachi. Damn it." Is she really gonna call him up in the morning again? What's up with her? It was from someone he doesn't have on his phone. Hm... Maybe it's not her then, he thought. He picked it up. "Hello?" "Seki!" The voice on the other line instantly clicked. "Shimizu?!" Did he switch his number? "Shimi! Hey, whats going on?" Seki was awkwardly sitting on his toilet seat, half naked, with a pair of white, slightly dirty underwear, because gosh, be barely ever does his laundry. "So, change of plans; I can come over today." Shimizu said. Sekis eyes widened. Today? His apartment was a mess, he didn't even get ready. "When?" Seki asked. "This evening." "Great! You can." Seki said in a hurry, taking off his underwear quickly, basically speeding to check if the shower has hot water. It didn't, but that didn't matter to him. "Really?" Shimizu asked. "Yea, yea! Don't worry, come over whenever tonight! Even sooner if you want." He felt a burst of energy within him. "Cool! Well I'll see you this evening." Shimizu sounded happy over the phone, only making Seki feel even more excited for tonight. "Haha. Yea. Anyways, see you later." Before Shimizu could finish, seki entered the shower, finishing quickly. He had to make sure his apartment doesn't look too bad. For some weird reason, seeing Shimizu made him care a bit. He got out, took his underwear, and whatever clothes where left on the ground next to his matress. There was... A lot. He threw whatever he could into the dryer, but some where still left. Seki thought for a minute. How could he get rid of them? "Hm..." The closet. Seki took whatever was left, and threw it into the closet, quickly shutting it. He grabbed a broom from the closet. It was time to clean up.

After 6 hours, Seki was exhausted. But he was finally dressed, looked somewhat better, and had a clean house. Now all he had to do was wait. For Shimizu.

The sound of a ringing doorbell at 5 pm could be heard. Seki, in a t-shirt, and a nice pair of pants, walked up to his door, and opened it up, for Shimizu. Which stood there in casual clothing, a t-shirt and shorts. "Shimi! Come in." Seki put an arm around Shimizu's shoulder, who was quite confused at how touchy Seki was being. "It's been a while." Seki says, with soup, and rice already cooking on the stove. An already prepared fish was in the fridge, from the time Sachi came over. She knew seki doesn't know how to cook very well. "It really has, haha!" "We barely talk anymore, ever since then." Seki said. Shimizu looked over at seki. "Hey Seki; do you need help?" He said. "Huh?" Seki couldn't understand what Shimizu was talking about. Shimizu got up, and from behind Seki, took his spoon away. "When you cook rice, you have to stir it a lot more then that. Otherwise it becomes really sticky." Shimizu stirred the rice for Seki, with his head laying on Seki's shoulder. "Ah... Sorry. I guess even after all this time, cooking on a stove is a bit hard for me." Seki wanted to focus on the rice, but Shimizu was a bit close. With his hands around him like that... It reminded him of how Shimizu used to do that. Always hugging him from behind. He smiled. Shimizu didn't seem to notice yet, and Seki was somewhat ok with it. "Even after all this time, you're still a better cook then me!" Seki rubbed Shimizu's head. Shimizu laughed. "Was I a good cook back then too?" "Oh definitely. You used to bring me lunch all the time; it was really fun! Because I couldn't cook. At all." "How come?" That question made Seki's head feel a bit weird. Should he say the truth, or...? "I was just kind of scared of fire." It may not have been the full story, but Shimizu didn't need that right now. They came here to have fun. "But now I'm not! Still, I need to get used to cooking." He sighed. "Maybe I can be your housewife or something? I'll cook for you!" Shimizu laughed, and Seki laughed along as well, although the thought of that didn't sound THAT bad. "Sure! You can take care of me whenever you want to. Speaking of housewife... Have you got a girlfriend yet?" Seki was curious. He wasn't sure why. "Ah. I haven't had the chance to meet someone special yet! So I really want to wait for someone like that. If the time comes, I'll do it!" Shimizu sounded so innocent with how he talked about love. For some reason, hearing he doesn't have a girlfriend made Seki happy. "I think it's ready!" Shimizu said. Seki started setting up the bowls, as Shimizu and seki both sat down infront of the table, and poured some soup, and rice into different bowls, along with the fish which shimizu microwaved for 40 seconds, and cooked vegetables. The meal looked... A lot better with Shimizu's help. "Itadakimasu." They said together, before they started eating. Seki couldn't help eyeing Shimizu. So much so, he forgot about his own food. "Hey, Seki." Seki snapped out of it. "Hm?" "You're not eating! Is something wrong?" Seki needed to think of something. It would be weird to say 'I was staring at you'. "I just got lost for a moment. That's all." Shimizu tilted his head. A grin spread across his face. "Hey, Seki!" Shimizu took his chopsticks in one hand. "Open your mouth!" Seki squinted. "Huh?" "Since I'm your housewife, I might as well feed you, because you clearly don't know how to do it yourself, haha! Now, open wide." This was unlike Shimizu. Usually he was a lot more quiet during dinner. And why was he acting so friendly? He could barely remember seki. A lot of thoughts went through his head, but while he was thinking, Shimizu pushed fish into his mouth. "Mph!!" Seki couldn't talk with his mouth full. But Shimizu cracked up. " Hey thafs noph fonny!" Seki tried speaking, but he was still chewing. "Sorry! Don't worry, just wanted to try something." Seki rolled his eyes. But it was nice to have Shimizu here anyways. He smiled so brightly. "Alright then. My turn." Shimizu didn't hesitate, instantly opening his mouth. For a moment, the smile the old Shimizu had was back. "Ahh..." Seki calmly put fish into Shimizu's mouth. "Mmph! Hahahaha!" The joyous atmosphere lasted the whole dinner. And it made seki feel... Weird. A good weird... A new, yet old sort of weird.

After dinner, Shimizu and seki said their thanks, but before Shimizu could leave, Seki quickly found himself asking him to stay. "It's kind of late. You can stay if you want." Shimizu found himself hesitating. Why should he? Seki and him aren't **THAT**  close yet. But a part of him almost felt... As if they where. As if they've known eachother forever, and while thats technically true, Shimizu forgot everything. But... That feeling made him feel safe. "... Yea! Sure." Seki could feel his excitement rising. He felt so happy. But he kept calm. "Alright! You can sleep on my matress. I'll sleep on the couch." Seki made his way to the couch, but Shimizu held his arm. "Maybe we can sleep together?" Seki could feel his mind almost... Exploding. "Together?" The only time they ever slept next to eachother was as kids, when he was 9. "Yea! Why not?" Seki was hesitant. Just thinking about it made his heart beat. He didn't know why. They're **friends** , it shouldn't make him this nervous. "Ah—! Yea, sure." He had to agree. It would scare Shimizu if he said it made him nervous. He might think Seki doesn't trust him. Even though, it should be the opposite. Why is SHIMIZU trusting him? "Cool, lets go then! I'm tired." Shimizu tugged on Sekis arm, pulling him off, before he could say a word.

* * *

Seki found himself sleeping next to Shimizu. Shimizu had laid his head next to Sekis, making him feel a bit... Nervous. "You look stressed." Shimizu whispered. Seki nervously laughed. "Haha. No, it's fine. I'm just... Tired. Yea. Goodnight." Seki turned his head, trying hard not to focus on Shimizu. His heart beating fast. He clearly felt nervous. even Shimizu could tell. despite that, Shimizu decided to roll over as well, trying to let him go. Surely, asking Seki seemed pointless. He didn't look like he wanted to talk about it. After 15 minutes, Seki would soon hear Shimizu snoring softly. It was soothing. He never heard him snore like that. It was... Cute. Seki almost fell asleep, when suddenly, he felt something wrap around his waist, and cuddling against his back. Shimizu was... Snuggling up to him. Seki could feel his face getting tomato red, but his smile was warm, and soft. He didn't want to wkae shimizu up. It was fine like this. Shimizu seemed even more at ease hugging him. So it was fine. Seki felt himself calming down, heavily breathing, as he felt Shimizu's warm body against his back, and soft, slightly chubby arms, cuddling him. His heart was melting, as he found himself slowly falling asleep in Shimizu's arms. The next morning, Seki found Shimizu still asleep next to him, only somehow, he ended up hugging Shimizu as well. He didn't mind, but... He felt embarassed. He never even did that with his old girlfriend. He just had sex with her, and let her hug him from behind, retuning no attention whatsoever. But last night, during his sleep, he subsconciously returned the hug. It's fine, anyways. Shimizu wasn't awake yet, so he doesn't have to know. Seki let go of Shimizu. Trying his best to get up without interrupting his sleep. He stretched a bit. Seki found himself gazing at Shimizu. For a while, there was a feeling in Seki's chest. Ever since they where kids, Seki always felt something special for Shimizu. Even during their argument, a part of Seki always new... He always knew he was in love with him. And after sleeping next to him, and feeling like that, this warm fuzzy feeling... He could finally admit that he was genuinely in love with him. To himself, that is. He didn't want to ruin what he had with Shimizu. Their 'close friendship' should stay that way. Nothing more. Nothing less. Seki always covered up his feelings. This wouldn't be the first time he did that. Seki felt happy to finally admit it to himself though. It was... Refreshing. He quickly made his way to the kitchen, to cook some breakfast, when the phone rang. It was Sachi again. "Sachi?" Seki answered. "Hey, Seki! So my friend Punpun is meeting with me soon. I was wondering if you'd like to come along?" Seki heard that name before. He had a feeling he knew which punpun. "Punpun Onodera, by any chance?" "How did you know?" She was surprised. Seki never told her he knew him. "We where in school together." He responded, leaning against the counter. "No introduction needed then. You'll love it, you should join us! Karaoke night!" Sachi was so pushy. "I... Hey, can I bring someone along with me?" Sachi was silent for a moment. "Oh? Who?" "My... Friend." Seki didn't ask Shimizu yet, but he was sure he would agree. After all, the old Shimizu always went with him where ever he went. "Sure! Be there at 4." With that, Sachi hung up. "Seki?" A voice was heard from the bedroom. Seki couldn't wait to take Shimizu with him. It'll be... Just like before.

Even with the knowledge Shimizu isn't the same Shimizu anymore, and the promise he made to move on from the past, Seki's nostalgia got the best of him. Just a little nostalgia couldn't hurt, right? Seki always overthought everything. but for once, he decided to stop overthinking, and just go along with what he felt. 

* * *

 


End file.
